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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3008438" data-attributes="member: 14320">Romance And Marriage One-LinersWhat do you call a woman without an asshole?Divorced.What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching his ass... and the other is a chimpanzee.My mother-in-law told me exercise helps her burn off the calories. I told her a flamethrower would be quicker.Why can't little girls fart?They don't get assholes till they're married.A person receives a telegram informing about his mother-in-law's death. It also inquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies, 'Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.'A woman posted a personal ad that read, "Husband wanted". The next day she received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine!!"How can you tell if your husband is dead?The sex is the same, but you get the remote.Why are men like laxatives?They irritate the shit out of you.Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.What's the fastest way to a man's heart?Through his chest with a sharp knife.What do men and diapers have in common?They are always on your ass and full of shit.Why can't men get mad cow disease?Because men are pigs.What's better than seeing a woman wrestle?Seeing her box.A blonde's house was on fire. She called 911 and said, "my house is onfire!"The man on the phone said, "Well, can you tell me how we get there?"She said, "Duhhh!!! In the big red trucks!"How can you tell a woman is really ugly?A cannibal takes one look at her and orders a salad.How do men sort their laundry?"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?A sex-change operation.Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?So he can tell if he is coming or going.</blockquote>